tonight, is the first night that i believe that i've become a cynic, i have lost faith in romance and what is boys. perhaps this is just a drunken mishap, and i take too much advantage that this is a somewhat public forum. this is addressed to everyone and everything, but maybe more specifically to the ones who know who i speak of. I don't ask to be made into some ideal character that you can set your romanticized ideas on. i'm not an idea, i'm not what you think i am.
when will people have the fucking ability to possibly tell someone what their thoughts are on whatever is going on between the people. i am not your goddam mother, i'm not scolding you for not doing something. own up to your own mistakes. if this is a sign of my future, i don't have enough time or energy to deal with this kind of shit. stop being a little shit coward. i can't deal with all this bullshit, why must they all lack even the simple rudiments of courage.
it's amazing to me that everyone always likes to flatter themselves with the idea that they are the ones that make me crazy. maybe, if you can even consider that all in all you're all probably a bunch of assholes who can't even see through their own problems and yet pass judgment on my own. don't run away because you think i'm in the process of loving you, don't flatter yourself too much, or else it just gets too embarrassing.
no one ever wants anyone to get hurt. they never ask, they always assume.
this is just for further reference, i don't believe in playing games, so i lay it all on the table and see how it goes. and if you were wondering this isn't going out to just one person. this is a bunch of things i've been meaning to say. this is the first night i've ever regretted being friends with boys. Whenever I want something in particular it's never exactly what i get.
i just want to kiss you and hold your hand, but you know, we're not friends or anything.
20.6.08
let it be said, that romance is dead.
