growing

photo by rachel woroner

let it be said, that romance is dead.

tonight, is the first night that i believe that i've become a cynic, i have lost faith in romance and what is boys. perhaps this is just a drunken mishap, and i take too much advantage that this is a somewhat public forum. this is addressed to everyone and everything, but maybe more specifically to the ones who know who i speak of. I don't ask to be made into some ideal character that you can set your romanticized ideas on. i'm not an idea, i'm not what you think i am.

when will people have the fucking ability to possibly tell someone what their thoughts are on whatever is going on between the people. i am not your goddam mother, i'm not scolding you for not doing something. own up to your own mistakes. if this is a sign of my future, i don't have enough time or energy to deal with this kind of shit. stop being a little shit coward. i can't deal with all this bullshit, why must they all lack even the simple rudiments of courage.

it's amazing to me that everyone always likes to flatter themselves with the idea that they are the ones that make me crazy. maybe, if you can even consider that all in all you're all probably a bunch of assholes who can't even see through their own problems and yet pass judgment on my own. don't run away because you think i'm in the process of loving you, don't flatter yourself too much, or else it just gets too embarrassing.

no one ever wants anyone to get hurt. they never ask, they always assume.

this is just for further reference, i don't believe in playing games, so i lay it all on the table and see how it goes. and if you were wondering this isn't going out to just one person. this is a bunch of things i've been meaning to say. this is the first night i've ever regretted being friends with boys. Whenever I want something in particular it's never exactly what i get.

i just want to kiss you and hold your hand, but you know, we're not friends or anything.

for old times sake

pacific! reminds me of last summer, this one is my personal favourite

I'll be in new york late next week with rhian to watch movies and play bingo. I'm craving some banana pudding and marc by marc.

I'm feeling the remorse of year and a half long spell of ridiculous behaviour. last night included! best part yesterday, gala and i running around lost in a forest with cabernet in hand and her with lighter-fluid-tasting-old-milwaukee. i had to climb over a wire fence in rainboots, gala kept laughing at me. it was almost youtube appropriate. we just have some times where we completely forget, (or perhaps block out) some of the things that happen to us on our little nights out, or things people say. we seriously need to stop embarrassing ourselves, it's getting me down

you're a little shit, and you can quote me on it

bedside

so i'm here and i'm eating all the red popsicles in the freezer. my tongue is red, my room is still a mess and there's no sense in cleaning. the summer's here like an old friend with good intentions and we're all ready to be saved. the insomnia gets worse as the days get longer and my love is like a shattered glass bent on finding all the pieces and lost in all the cracks. fire seems to make things grow, all the candles in my house are crooked. it's safe to say that the night knows me best. night doesn't tell my secrets, it let's me smoke in the kitchen and sit on the roof. my bones still feel limber, i still sit in one position for hours, i still miss the way the past feels. i still miss the way yesterday was. i miss all my yesterdays, but never as keen as tomorrow. crying won't do any good, being upset won't change anything but i still am. everyone wishes my slight breakdowns are always their fault. if only it was that easy. becoming the the people you wrote about four years ago is never what you expect. if it wasn't true, i would have made it up. gala says i'm getting crazier by the day. somedays i feel too trivial to exist. i'm moving soon...i don't know where, but bring me boxes anyways.

faceflop

facebook disabled my profile, i had to make a new one

search: marlowe tatiana


note: it's nice that you want to know me, but i won't add you if we've never spoken before.

slipping into k-holes

in the confusion /I made an illusion /I spit out a track /and I don't look back

yes, wade is holding the new issue of HEDONISM, order a copy here

got tracks on my arms/ tracks on my face/ there's tracks on the walls/ all over the place

Saboteur Nicolas took some shots at the virgins in this roll.

COMMOTION-my first short film

motorcycle riding in the rain, filming in dark parking lots while drug deals go on, DEP gel, rolling pants, looking at bruce davidson photos, breaking shit.

merci beaucoup to les saboteurs and david james.

staying six forever

the other day the lovely miss kim was speaking to me about the website and suggested how i should create another zine of my adventures in the cities i go to. the strange situations i get into, the crazy events that always seem to happen... like running around with my luggage (in it a fur coat, opera gloves, a selection of black patent shoes, and three different cameras) with no place to stay, or being invited to have lunch with a princess's offspring (yes, happened once...very strange). she said something so funny,


"You're the real life Eloise!"


it kind of made my day. Eloise is my favourite!



How to Dress? "The first thing you have to do is put on your gloves."- Eloise

and when it's quiet and the lights in houses and apartment 406 is still dark you know you are alone in the morning that still feels like night, but can never qualify as night. the sun creeps into the sky more east than here. the sky looks like a velvet curtain, a blanket over those who can sleep at night. but not me. so here we are, me and three, four, five in the morning. we can't sleep because we have occupations to attend to. the air is cold but it hasn't been inhaled yet. this time of twilight makes me honest, it makes me scared, but i like it.


songs for when you can't sleep: going out when it's warm at night

my favourite obsession

shoot to kill

so the virgins have premiered their album on their myspace....I don't know maybe it's because me and my boys are firm '07 believers, and for their album we thought it was going to be completely different. I know that the virgins want girls to listen to their album before they go out and that i think will happen plenty of times. but this happens with a lot of bands with their debut albums, they sort of lose the same feeling that they had on their E.P.. I don't know, I don't mind the new songs, they aren't raw enough though. I know i'll like them when they play them live. I do however like the new Love is Colder Than Death version. Anyways they're coming to town on the fourth and if you see me out that night, expect me to be stumbling in very tall shoes with Les Saboteurs and the rest of the crew.

eating up the cracks on the pavement

I think I should become a scout or something, Lindsay is my new discovery.

playboys from dubai to paris

Daniel and Brad had some fun at the abandoned manor breaking shit, lighting fires and all that. there was a group of boys playing in the house as well that i asked to take photos of, and they were all really funny, this eight year old saying, "whoa man, this place is fucked".

the other photos in this are from a shoot i did with this kid Miles, I met him on the subway and i asked to take photos of him for my Boys series that I've been working on for about seven months. When I met him before I went to paris, he was 13(now 14), and i thought it was so crazy because he is so cool. it was so funny because when i asked him about the photos, he was like, "i'm going to have to talk to my agency first", when he becomes a crazy model i had him first.


foxes mate for life

i wanna be you, to see what you is like

i have been crazy busy lately, this week i shot four shoots in five days. the Ideal apparel campaign is wrapped up, with me and Les Saboteurs running around crazy trying to figure out outfits and schedules and everything. On thursday night i was just below bitch, lacking so much sleep. i just got back the film i shot on monday up at the abandoned manor with Daniel Saboteur and Bradley. I'm so happy with the shots and you will be seeing them up soon. I'm just quickly writing this as i don't have a laptop at the moment. Oh and the second issue of HEDONISM is complete, and i will be setting up a page on the website for orders.

an excerpt from the abandoned manor shoot, definitely a favourite.

stress

apparently, doing this in paris is a popular thing, at least for me.



october-november i'm living in paris.

I want to be a cowboy's sweetheart

I won't waste my love on a nation






I love the photo of mark in this set. The other day me and gala took james out for his first summer day. james is my bicycle. we were climbing blossom trees. we fucking love those trees. "Gala, suck it up and get in the goddam tree"

they promised you a lie

the virgins debut is coming out june third, listen to their new renditions here

i've been an asshole and i have been lazy and i haven't put up any new interviews, but i promise they will be up!

the other day i was in a book store for like five hours going through the Vice Photo book, the Mapplethorpe Polaroids (which is showing actually, at the whitney this month) and Panic Attack! Art in the punk years (the title is something like that), they're all really good. Mapplethorpe has all these amazing polaroids of Patti Smith.

Last night I chose grocery shopping instead of going to the kills show, i'm growing up.

choose your own adventure

Leyla and Ben make my favourite couple in the scene...

they were in town and that was crazy. I was being fairly belligerent and being violent as shit. i haven't been that crazy in toronto in a year. but it was so nice to see them, and i gave mark a copy of HEDONISM, oh and the teenagers were around at the end which was fun.

anyways, i shot a roll that night that you will see as soon as i get a new battery for my camera.




from cobra/sharkvsbear